Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I understand Curling. That high.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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