My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
