That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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