I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
