I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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