So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cockslap morals
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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