I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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