every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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