im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
