I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
