did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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