He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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