God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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