so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
