Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
