Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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