i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
50% drunk capacity currently
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
