my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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