I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
