are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
