I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we're making bets on your personal life
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
