If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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