You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
