I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
