Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
