I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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