Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
