you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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