She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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