this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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