Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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