Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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