Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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