i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
