hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
