I feel like I'm in dance class right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
