After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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