Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
