anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
