i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
