u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
