I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
