Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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