while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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