I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
