Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
