tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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