You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
