Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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