he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
