I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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