He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
